


I won't live, won't live like them

by KillingVillanelle



Series: We were not born in sin [3]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Alaska, Domestic Fluff, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-11 22:50:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19119295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KillingVillanelle/pseuds/KillingVillanelle
Summary: "When you let a wild animal out of a cage… well you know?"





	1. I don't know If it's alright with you, but I'll be gone

Town locals say a passing hello or wave at Villanelle, who will lazily in turn raise her hand off Eve's shoulder to wave at them. Eve feels a little embarrassed at the fact that here is Villanelle being polite and friendly to all of these people and she's been staying in the cabin for the last two months assuming the worst about all of them. She feels a pair of lips press to the side of her head.

"What are you thinking about?" Villanelle asks as they come to a stop waiting for a stoplight to change.

"You've really been trying here."

"Yeah? I told you we'd be normal."

The pair begin to cross the road towards the hardware store. Villanelle broke the last shovel by slamming it against the ground while trying to kill a rat. The rat got away and she was left a wooden handle of a shovel and the black blade on the ground. Eve didn't even understand why Villanelle would need a shovel but she didn't want to ask.

"I know, but still. We could have just been the weird outsiders. You made sure people liked us."

Villanelle shrugs as she shakes her arm off Eve to open the door for her. "I need work to be able to afford your terrible spending habits."

Eve rolls her eyes. "My terrible spending habits," she mocks. "So what all do we need here?"

"A shovel, a couple packs of nails and screws, wood stain, and then I need to order some things."

"Some things?"

"Uh, yeah just some stuff for the house nothing important."

It confuses Eve why Villanelle won't just tell her what she is ordering but instead of pressing, she pulls off her parka and hangs it over her arm. "Alright, I'll go get the shovel and pick out wood stain while you do your stuff. Meet you at the check out?"

Villanelle nods and looks past Eve at another customer darting through the aisles. Eve reaches out and grabs Villanelle's hand. 

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"I'm going to miss you," she says and pulls Eve towards her.

"We're going to be in the same store. Plus it'll be less than five minutes." Eve rolls her eyes and tugs herself out of Villanelle's grip. "You're so weird."

Villanelle watches as Eve walks away with a cart before turning, grabbing a basket, and making her way to the hardware section. She slides her free hand into her Balenciaga jacket. Stopping in front of the nails, she wonders why there is a need for so many different types of nails. The only type of nails Villanelle's knew were the ones she was given to torture people. 

"The stainless steel work the best. They're worth the price difference although that doesn't matter to you does it?" A woman with a soft condescending voice says beside Villanelle. It's the one she spotted in the back of the store earlier.

"What are you doing here?"

"Well I'm going to be straight forward, Ms. Belle. There will be a cab at your house at 3 in the morning. Only you will get in it. You will not tell Dana anything about this."

Villanelle looks Carolyn up and down. "Why the hell would I get in the cab?"

"Because if not Eve Polastri will be brought in for treason."

"Do you even work for MI6?"

"I'll see you tonight, Ms. Belle." Carolyn turns on her heel and walks away from Villanelle.

"Will I be able to come home?"

Carolyn stops and turns around. "That'll be up to you if you still want to." She turns back and walks away.

Villanelle shoves sixteen boxes of different types of nails and screws into her basket before making her way to the front counter. The cashier eyes the basket with confusion. "How can I help you?"

Villanelle reaches in her pocket and pulls out a torn page of a magazine. She smacks it down on the countertop and turns it around to face him. A quick hand comes up and she takes off her black wide brimmed hat, placing it on the counter next to the magazine. "I want to build this. Y'all got the supplies?"

The young man pulls the flyer and looks at it. A luxurious Asian style patio. "Yeah, we should, but um, no offense, this will be pretty expensive."

She rolls her eyes, of course he doesn't recognize the name on her jacket. "How much?"

It takes a few minutes for him to calculate everything. He calls over the manager at one point to ask a question about a certain item. Then after writing a bunch of numbers down, he punches it in a calculator and turns the calculator around to face Villanelle. $6823.47. "That's with tax ma'am."

"How much with delivery?"

"Just delivery or do you want help too?"

"I reckon I can do it by myself, so just delivery." She spots Eve walking towards her with the cart. "Just a moment." Grabbing the basket, she walks over to Eve.

"I was wondering what was taking you so long. I've been looking for you all over."

Villanelle jerks a thumb over her shoulder. "Just finishing up. How about this? You pay for this stuff. Then head over to Grizzly's and order some lunch for us. I'll be there as soon as this is done."

Eve takes the basket, placing it in the cart, and watches as Villanelle pulls out two, hundred dollar bills. "You're being sneaky." Their hands connect as Villanelle hands Eve the cash.

"Always," she tugs Eve towards her and kisses the top of her head, not wanting to push anything. "Now get on out of here. I'll see you soon."

"See you soon," Eve repeats.

* * *

 

 

After finishing up at the hardware store, Villanelle quickly made her way to join Eve. The bell on the door rings and she spots Eve in a booth, sitting with her back towards the door. With a fast hand, she swipes a french fry off Eve's plate before sliding in the booth across from her. There's an untouched burger and fries waiting for her. She sits her hat down on the booth beside her before shrugging off her jacket, leaving her in a white sleeveless turtleneck.

Eve takes in the sight that is Villanelle's arms. She was fit before but now… without flexing Eve could see the layers of muscle. Manual labor turned out to be her best friend. Villanelle bites into the burger and let's a pornographic moan out. Eve instantly blushes and reaches over to smack her. "Don't do that!"

"This is fucking delicious. I haven't tasted anything better," she looks Eve up and down. "Yet."

Eve rolls her eyes and ignores Villanelle's advances. She opens her mouth to speak but gets interrupted by people arguing towards the front of the bar. Villanelle looks past Eve at the people arguing and then quickly slides her head back down. "Not friends of yours?"

"Uh… you could say that," Villanelle whispers. "So remember that time I went-"

"What the fuck is that Belle woman doing in here!" yells a man from the front of the bar.

Eve raises an eyebrow and puts an arm on the booth to turn and look at Villanelle's friend. He's late twenties, big beard, masculine. Big ole lumberjack fellow that looks like he wants to wring his hands around Villanelle's throat. His tan work boots thunder on the ground as he pushes a similar but older looking man out of the way. 

"You have some nerve staying in," he grabs Villanelle and yanks her out of the booth, "my town after stabbing me."

Villanelle smiles at Eve before looking at the man. "Your town?" She lays the accent on thick. "I reckon the town belongs to the government."

He shoves her into the wall. While leaning forward, he whispers something in Villanelle's ear that Eve can't hear, but she instantly sees Villanelle's eyes darken with anger. Villanelle punches him in the face and he stumbles away from her gripping his nose and blood spilling between his fingers. 

The older man has made his way over to the bickering twenty something year olds and yanks Villanelle's friend back away from her before she can punch him again.

"I'm sorry, Jessica. He just got back and so he's a little restless."

Villanelle leans forward and rubs her knuckles. "It's fine."  _ It's not. _ "When you let a wild animal out of a cage… well you know?"

He doesn't, but he nods and tugs Villanelle's friend out of the bar. Villanelle grabs her jacket and slides it back on. "Are you ready to go?" She asks Eve.

Eve thinks about the heat pooling below her stomach and her heart pounding in her ears. She eyes Villanelle's hand that is already turning purple. "Yeah," she responds and hopes Villanelle doesn't notice the blush on her cheeks. If she does, which Villanelle does, she doesn't mention it.

* * *

 

Later that night, Eve sits in front of the fireplace and she was reading.  _ Was _ , because now she is watching Villanelle on top of a step ladder restaining the bottom of the loft. As Villanelle reaches up to run the paint brush across the wood, her henley sweater rides up exposing a little bit of skin and the belt loosely holding her jeans to her hips. Eve tries to tell herself it's just the movement of the shirt that keeps catching her eye and not the pale hip underneath it. 

Villanelle sits the paint brush down and uses the bottom of her shirt to wipe the sweat off her neck. A now white, one inch scar rests to upper right of her navel. It's the first time Eve's seen it and her first thought is what it would feel like under her fingers. The second is what it would feel like under her tongue.

"Hey, Eve, after I finish this board, I'll shower and start dinner," Villanelle says. Her face mask is around her neck and she's staring right at Eve and knows Eve was just checking her out. "Eve?"

"Yeah! Yeah. That sounds good." Eve jerks over and grabs her book.

Villanelle laughs to herself and then snaps her facemask back on. A book page flips and Eve's eyes are back on Villanelle.

* * *

 

 

Villanelle walks out of the bedroom with her hair in a slightly damp bun and dressed in blue Gucci shorts and an oversized Gucci shirt, french tucked. She's rubbing a sore spot on the back of her neck from looking up all afternoon and freezes at the middle of the staircase when she spots Eve pacing around the living room.

"Did I do something wrong?" She asks reluctantly and starts slow down the stairs.

Eve freezes and looks up at Villanelle, down her long legs and then back up. "Can we talk?" She starts pacing again. 

Villanelle blinks a few times. "Yeah?" She stops at the bottom of the stairs and slides her hands into her shorts pockets.

"Okay. Okay." Eve runs a hand through her hair. "Do you remember what you said the other night?"

"When I called you a sociopath for enjoying Monopoly?" Villanelle played dumb. She didn't really want to have this conversation today. Not when she'd be gone in a few hours.

"No, the night before that. At the bar."

She raises an eyebrow instead of responding to Eve.

"You said you loved me."

"Love."

"What?"

"You said loved. That's not right. I said I love you. Present tense," Villanelle corrects.

Eve stops and stares at Villanelle. 

"I do, you know? I mean it. In whatever way I'm possible of it. I love you." Villanelle's beginning to ramble as she does when she gets nervous.

"I know. I know you mean it." Eve runs her hand through her hair again before marching up to Villanelle and grabbing her face. "I love you too." She pulls Villanelle down to kiss her. 

For a moment, Villanelle freezes. Her hands sit limp in her pockets. Her heart beats faster than a rabbits. Then in succession she jerks so she's has one hand running through Eve's hair and one hand on the small of Eve's back. It's passionate and when they pull away to catch their breath it's obvious it was more intense than either of them expected.

"I love you," Villanelle whispers with her lips curling.

"I love you," Eve repeats. Their foreheads are pressing together with their noses just brushing.

"Should we go upstairs?"

Villanelle is answered with a wink and watching Eve saunter past her, grabbing her hand lightly and making her follow.

* * *

 

 

When Eve wakes up the next morning, her bed is empty and her body is sore in all of the right ways. She shrugs it off and slips into the bathroom assuming Villanelle was downstairs making breakfast. Her reflection shows her all of Villanelle's marks from her neck to the inside of her thighs. She hops into the shower and tries to ignoring the pricking thoughts in the back of her mind. 

Downstairs, Villanelle isn't making breakfast. Eve starts a pot of coffee and assumes Villanelle is jogging around the lake. She goes over to the coffee table where she left her book yesterday. When she gets back to the island and opens her book to read while she waits for Villanelle, a note is folded in the page she had been on. Her heart drops into her stomach. With a shaking hand she opens it.

_ Darling Eve, _

_ Don't look for me. _

_ If I'm not back in a few days, forget about me. _

_ I love you. _

_ Villanelle _


	2. People say I'm no good

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She's my family."

Villanelle is led on to a private jet. Anybody she asks questions ignores her. So she tugs her backpack tighter and climbs the stairs to hell. Carolyn sits crossed leg on the jet sipping on a martini and looking like it wasn’t 4:30 in the morning. It pisses Villanelle off even more.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Carolyn asks, breaking the silence.

“I don’t drink.” Villanelle drops her bag in one seat and takes another.

“That’s interesting since you’ve been drinking a whiskey almost every night with Tod.”

“So Tod’s your bitch too?” 

“No one’s my  _ bitch _ , Villanelle. I just have a lot of friends.”

“How did you know?” Villanelle tilts her head. “That me and Eve went to Alaska.”

“You went to Alaska before Rome. I just told my friends to keep an eye out. Tod let me know when you started to come to town and I merely waited til you confirmed Eve was with you.”

Villanelle crosses her arms and leans back. She didn’t like feeling like it was her fault Eve is in danger. She also knows if she doesn’t listen to Carolyn, she’ll chew Eve up and spit her out. Carolyn is more of a psychopath than any of them. “What do you want?”

Carolyn reaches in her purse and pulls out a manilla file that she hands to Villanelle. “I don’t want anything.”

With a roll of the eyes, Villanelle opens the file. She laughs and recloses it. “Do I get paid for this?”

“You’ll receive payment if you agree to work for me after this.”

“And if I don’t agree?”

“Is that an option?”

Villanelle reopens the file and reads over it. “I’ll need a few days. To meet with some old contacts and get supplies.”

“Four days.”

“I can do that. After it’s finished?”

“Go to your old flat in Paris.” Carolyn tosses Villanelle a key. “All cleaned up. No bloodstains on the floor or anything. You'll be moving back in.”

“Can I tell Eve?”

“If you tell her you take away her option to leave this life. She’ll be as stuck in it as you are.”

* * *

 

 

The cabin is a disaster. Eve’s initial reaction was shock. For the first half of the day she walked around in a stupor. Checked the door every five minutes. Called Villanelle every half an hour. Then she made her way to her bedroom. The sheets were still strewn about from last night. Eve walked over and thumbed one sheet.

Anger ruptured through her. She threw the sheets off the bed. Stormed over to Oksana's bedroom. The door was locked and she tried kicking it down. It just made her foot hurt and more pissed off. So she stormed downstairs and made a mess of Oksana’s expensive furniture. Grabbed one of Oksana’s expensive hats and threw it in the fire.  _ Fuck Oksana _ . Of course she got what she wanted and then just fucking left. Just played the long game and manipulated Eve into thinking she wasn’t just a using prick.

Eve grabs her keys. She storms out to key whichever car Oksana left behind. Except both the truck and her motorcycle are in the driveway and Eve’s holding her Jeep keys. Her knees hit the ground shortly after her heart does.  _ Oh my god _ , Eve thinks and cups her mouth.

* * *

 

 

A blonde female MI6 officer is driving on a back road in Scotland towards a safe house when a police cruiser pulls her over. It’s nearly two in the morning and she’s barely two minutes away from the safehouse. She rolls her eyes and gets out her MI6 badge. The officer is tall and feminine. Knocks twice on the window. The MI6 agent rolls down her window.

“I’m sorry officer, but I-”

An almost soft whistle stops her as a bullet pierces her neck and she falls limp against the headrest. Villanelle tucks the gun back in her holster while white headlights come around the bend. She waves at the off duty MI6 agent and sees him laugh at his pulled over coworker. It’s the middle of the night so they weren’t waiting til the other one showed up to guard her target.

Once he’s out of Villanelle’s eyesight she makes her way back to the police cruiser where she quickly changes back into her black jeans and top. She fixes the holster to her jens and reloads the gun. 

It’s a five minute walk to the safe house. A small cottage near the sea. She stands at the stone fence and watches waves crash into the rocks for a few moments. There’s a little beach that the moonlight shines on. It’d be a beautiful place to die. She turns and walks into the cottage. 

It doesn’t take her long to find her target’s bedroom. For a moment she wonders where his family is but finds she doesn’t care. It’s easier for her that they aren’t here. Villanelle creeps into her target’s bedroom and twists the suppressor off her pistol. She points the gun towards the ceiling and fires a shot.

Her target jerks awake and almost jumps out of bed. He grabs his chest through his white undershirt. When he sees who his intruder is, he laughs and shakes his head. “Took you long enough. You look like shit by the way.”

She smiles and nods. The police guard put up an good fight when she tried to steal his car. He got in four good hits that bruised her face with his baton before Villanelle grabbed it and forced it down his throat. “Get dressed. Then meet me outside. Someone is meeting us on the beach.” She slides her gun into her holster and walks outside to wait for him.

After a few minutes, Villanelle heard the front door open. The pair walk wordlessly down to the beach. The sand is soft under Villanelle’s boots. They stop at the edge of the beach, shoulder to shoulder. Wind whips her hair, and his trench coat. “Why aren’t you with your family, Konstantin?”

“My wife left me because she thought I was putting Irina in danger.”

“Well, she did get kidnapped.” Villanelle shrugs.

“How’s Eve?”

“Probably hates me.” She slides her hand down to the gun.

He laughs. “I was wrong, Villanelle, we  _ are _ family. Just you and me, all we have is each other.”

“No,” she turns to him. Ignores the tear running down her face. “We are not family.”

His face morphs into shock and then acceptance. “There’s no boat coming.”

Villanelle shakes her head.

“You’re choosing that Polastri woman over me?”

“She’s my family.” Villanelle pulls the gun out and shoots Konstantin in the skull before he can speak again.

Konstantin falls into the sand. She stands over her mentor, father figure, and best friend, and watches as blood pools out the back of his head. There’s not the same satisfaction as she watches the life shrink in Konstantin’s eyes. One hand puts the gun back in the holster and one through her hair. The waves continue to crash in to the rock. The wind still whips around her. Nothing stops because like Villanelle, the world is unceasing and impassible.

* * *

 

 

Eve sits across from Tod at the bar. He brings out a gin and tonic and tells her it's on the house. She nods a thanks not trusting her voice. It's the night of the third day of Villanelle being gone. She spent the rest of the first cleaning the cabin back up and the second trying to figure out who would be able to find them. At first she thought maybe it was Konstantin, but she remembers faintly that Villanelle told her he was manipulating them too and gave them up for his real family. So she decides maybe the Twelve hired Villanelle again and she's just doing a job.

"You're Jessica's girlfriend right?" A deep voice comes from behind her. 

She turns and looks at the older man from a few days ago. "Uh, yeah. Dana Phillips," she says and holds her hand out to him.

He takes over his ball cap before shaking her hand. "Leroy Taylor. I own the butcher shop."

"Oh, yeah. Jess mentioned you a few times. She sells her game to you?" Eve knows the answer because it is one of their main incomes since it's under the table and they didn't really have identities.

"Yeah," he slides in the seat beside her, "so I was wondering where is she?"

"Oh one of her friends came to visit and they went camping for the week," Eve instantly lies.

"You didn't go with them?" 

"No, she's been working so hard I figured I'd let her have fun with him. They've been friends since college."

He nods and gets up. "Alright, well when she gets home will you tell her I got a job for her?"

"Yeah. Of course." Eve turns back to her drink and focuses on not crying. Villanelle made a life for them here. She truly thought they could be normal and now Eve sits alone at a bar and prays Villanelle isn’t dead.

* * *

 

 

The flat looks bare without all of her furniture. It was odd not hearing a comment from the old lady next door. Villanelle makes her way to the bedroom and stares at where her bed used to be. Where Eve admitted she loved Villanelle. Absent-minded her hand slips under her shirt and she traces the scar. If Eve hadn't stabbed her, she would have kissed Eve once before tugging her downstairs and in the small hideaway closet. She would have waited til the cleaners marched upstairs and then shot them so she could at least still have her clothes. She misses her Molly Goddard dress and that Dries Van Noten suit. She thinks about Eve's scarf and how they even got rid of it.

"I told you we had it all cleaned for you." 

Villanelle turns and looks at Carolyn before nodding. "Did you guys have to throw away my clothes?"

"Had to get rid of any proof you existed. We were planning on terminating you."

"You never do, though."

Carolyn slides her hands in coat and walks to be beside Villanelle. "We've learned you're too valuable. At first we thought your empathy for Eve meant you were compromised but it wasn't like how you were for Anna. Eve just fuels you. You'd kill anyone for Eve wouldn't you?"

"Yes," Villanelle answers without second thought. "So what are my options? Real options."

"You can stay here. Never return to Alaska and let Eve live in peace. You'd work directly for me."

"What if I told Eve and then moved here?"

"Depending on Eve's reaction, she'd be allowed to work beside you. Maybe do research or make her think she's doing something. Initially we wanted her as a handler for you, but it seems you two are equals. Although if she reacts bad we can't let her know as much as she would."  _ We’d kill her, _ was left unsaid.

"And if I stay in Alaska?"

"You’ll spending the rest of your life waiting till the Twelve has people sent to kill you."

"Eve?"

"Same thing."

Villanelle nods. "Can I have a moment to think?" 

"I'll be at the café across the street. You have fifteen minutes." Carolyn leaves the flat afterwards.

Villanelle walks around the flat. Imagines new furniture and wardrobes full of luxurious clothes. She pictures the countless people she’s brought into the flat. In the living room she stops and thinks about Konstantin for a moment. She considers her old life. How free she was. She could do what she wanted, spend what she wanted, be who she wanted, as long as she just killed a person here and there. Villanelle makes a decision and leaves the flat to inform Carolyn.

* * *

 

Eve wakes up to an empty cabin and goes through the motions of living. She makes her bed. She brushes her teeth. She showers. As she walks downstairs, she thinks of Bill. She wonders how things would be different if he was still alive. Villanelle and her would have never made it to Alaska that’s for sure. He would have encouraged it. A twinkle in his eye as she tells him how Villanelle broke into her house and asked for dinner.  _ You two were completely alone? And you got naked for her?  _ Eve smiles to herself and she fills a mug with coffee. She probably wouldn’t have stabbed Villanelle. No, she would have ran away with Villanelle that day and Bill would have known. 

Eve slips on her parka and plans to sit on the dock Villanelle built. She insisted on it after Eve’s feet had been torn by the jagged rocks. The screen door pulls shut as Eve freezes on the porch. Villanelle sits on the second to last step of the porch and makes no movement to show she heard the screen door. Her back is to Eve and she doesn’t acknowledge her til Eve sits her coffee down on the railing and walks down to sit beside Villanelle. 

Villanelle glances over at Eve before turning and watching small waves lap on to the stones around the lake. Her hand clenches and unclenches on her knee. Eve waits. She takes in the bruises on Villanelle’s face.

“I’m going back to Paris,” Villanelle says and refuses to look over at Eve. She masks her face of any emotion and waits for the slap.

“Am I coming with you?” Eve asks instead.

Villanelle shrugs and it pisses Eve off. They’ve come to far for her to shut Eve out.

“Is that where you’ve been? Partying in Paris? Fucking whatever and whoever, while I’ve been here worrying if you-”

“I killed Konstantin,” Villanelle interrupts and her voice cracks. She stands up and looks at Eve with tears streaming down her face. “Carolyn used you against me and had me kill him. Now I have to work for her or she’ll kill both of us because Carolyn is apart of the Twelve. She gave me the choice to tell you or not. If I didn't tell you you would have got to stay here and be normal but now I've taken that choice away from you and you have to come to Paris with me." She marches into the house and slams the door behind her.

She stands just inside the door for a moment and tries to collect herself. The door opens behind her and Eve's arm slink around her midsection. "You really think I wouldn't have choose to go with you?"

Villanelle stiffins. "I don't know. It's not the normal life you wanted."

Eve laughs and spins Villanelle around. "I don't want a normal life." She brings a hand up and wipes a tear of Villanelle's face with her thumb. "I want to be with you."

Villanelle stares at her and blinks slowly. She presses her face into Eve's. "Why?"

"I love you." She pulls Villanelle's face down into a tender kiss.

It doesn't last long as emotions overwhelm Villanelle and she shoves her head into the crook of Eve's neck to muffle a sob. She hates that since Amsterdam she couldn't control her crying. Once it started she could nothing but wait til her body decided it was out of tears. Everything of the past few days caught up with her. Tears of joy that Eve loves her too. Tears of grief for her best friend. Tears of anger at Carolyn and Tod and everyone that's betrayed her. Everyone in her life has. Starting at her parents for dying and leaving her alone. Then Anna and calling the police on her. Next was Konstantin, as he tried to lock her up in prison. She forgave him and he just did it again. Everyone betrays Villanelle. Everyone except Eve and the thought makes her clutch tighter at Eve's waist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Tumblr at @theworldandyourself or on insta @jordan.closson


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